The Power of Money

In the last two days, I was reminded of the power I give money in my life.

Yesterday, I found myself waiting for money to buy gas to get to an event. The money was late arriving, and I was overcome with emotion -- angry, anxious, disappointed, unappreciated, impatient, etc. The money arrived, and I got to my destination in time, but I hated the emotional rollercoaster that I allowed myself to go through.

Then, today, I received a portion of some money I was owed. I was so relieved to get it. I immediately took my daughter out to buy some much needed shoes and clothes (she's 10 and we haven't been financially able to shop for anything extra in months). We found many great deals and spent less than $40 on 2 pair of sandals, 2 pair of shorts, and 3 designer tees (gently used).

However, tonight I found myself in a familiar spot.

Once again, I went from having no money to having enough to spending it much more quickly than I ought. This is familiar pattern with me.

I wouldn't say I "throw money away", but I don't manage what I have well. Some things I need, but that could wait, I purchase before I have to, leaving me in the hole. For instance, today I bought additional fabric I needed to finish sewing my 14 yr old's graduation dress that has to be done by the 16th. It wasn't much money, but when you add it to hair products for the family, materials for a high school project due Tuesday, dinner for the girls, and gas, it took up all I had. I could have picked it up during the week after more income had come in. As I review my spending for the day, I could have delayed a few of the purchases and wouldn't find myself lacking again.

This is a frustrating place to continuously revisit.

Last week in our Financial GPS class, we began exploring the emotional impact money has, and has had, in our lives. One goal of these sessions is to help us better understand why we handle money the way we do. We were given several reflective homework assignments to get us started in this process. I will definitely start these tomorrow because I am tired of letting money control me instead of the other way around.

Stand Still and Know

It's been a minute. I was sick last week and never got around to blogging, but that's not because it wasn't eventful.

I completed the Personal Net Worth worksheet. It was difficult seeing how few assets I owned at this point in my life. The good thing is my debt wasn't too much either. I can't let my past mistakes hold me back. When I get back to work, I want to start on-track with controlled spending, savings and investing to change my financial future. That's why the Financial GPS classes are so important.

The key lesson: It all belongs to God anyway; I am only the steward. Time to start being a wise one.

I was pretty low on Friday because I couldn't meet a basic need for my daughter, and they were all beginning to keep expenses from me because they didn't want to stress me since I was "broke". Being a parent who couldn't provide made me feel broken.

On the weekend we were blessed with financial gifts that met our needs and left a surplus. Although I like being the one to pay their expenses, I need to understand that, as sole owner, God has the right decide how to provide for our needs.

I thank You, God for the humility You are teaching me in this process.

Finances Transformed through Giving

There is something transformative about giving out of your lack. It's one thing to give when you think you can spare it; it's completely another when you know you can't.

It's also a blessing to give of yourself when you think you have nothing to give. This weekend, I experienced this blessing firsthand.

I became aware of someone who was in need and offered to help. Even though I was financially unable to give, I was able to contact those who could. It was so rewarding to find out that her needs were met.

...and because God always gives abundantly, I rcvd a gift of almost $200 anonomously.

Hitting A Nerve

When it comes to money, we all have that spot that causes us to become very passionate and defensive if someone brings it up. For some people it's their hair/weave/wigs; for others, their store-bought gourmet coffee; and yet others, their pets, shoes/clothing, technology, or ability to dine out.

My money nerve is financial situations that deal with my girls. Whenever someone even suggests making cuts when it comes to something that affects the girls I get upset. My voice raises, my chest tightens, and I immediately begin to justify my decisions no matter what. Suggestions are batted down as fast as they're made, and each proposal is rejected. I get offended at the thought of change, and attempt to change the subject.

I have had some pretty heated conversations over this subject, and yesterday was no exception. I could not believe I was being asked to consider the idea of closing the girls' cell phones accounts to save money. "Why should they have to pay the consequences for something that was not their fault?"

Other arguments may start with "I don't care what has to go, there is no way I'm giving up __________!" or "I absolutely need to have (can't live without) _________!"

These reactions are rooted in fear and mistrust. I am unable to see my life without ___________ because, in all honesty, I am afraid to imagine my life without ____________. Having __________ in my life provides security, comfort, status, identity, or some other attribute that I should seek in God.

As I continue on this journey towards financial transformation, Lord help me to recognize the financial nerves that I have. Let me get quiet, and become open to possibilities for change that will bring me closer to financial freedom. You have started me on this journey, may I completely trust You to bring me to the end, in victory. Amen.

Isn't It Amazing

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to find my cell phone service suspended due to non-payment. I was angry and upset, because I felt like I needed my phone on! After, a few moments of initial panic, I felt convicted. My phone was off, because I had not followed my budget. God had provided the resources, and I had mismanaged them. No excuses, I had neglected my priorities, and this was the consequence.

Once I confessed my disobedience, I confessed to my daughters that I had let the temporary lack we have been experiencing affect my attitude. I was acting irritable and distant, in spite of all God had done to bless during this time. I apologized and expressed that I wanted to be a better example for them of a believer who trusts God.

As I prayed, I felt a breaking, like chains coming off. A few minutes ago, all I could focus on was losing a cell phone. I treated it like a lifeline! God is my ONLY lifeline!!!! Here I was, again, acting like it was the end of the world, and God was just trying to show me that nothing in my life is a requirement, but Him.

Once I accepted His training, I just laughed at my foolishness. How could I ever doubt His amazing care for me. No matter how hard the lesson, He tailors it to the change needed in my character at that very moment.

Thank You God for Your AMAZING timing and training! I want to be obedient the next time You entrust me with Your wealth. Continue to teach me how to manage Your resources. I am listening.

Dark Before the Dawn

Hope deferred makes the heart sick;

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Tonight was the first night of our Financial GPS class. For the next six weeks, we will be meeting to learn how to practically master the resources God has given us. I am so excited to be a part of this group, and to have a chance to "resurrect out of" this dark place.

My outlook was challenged as I must begin to see myself as a student of wealth management, not merely economic survival.

We were warned of the attacks that would come as a result of our obedience to learn to be good stewards. Mine hit as soon as I got home.

Our first assignment is to make detailed lists of out assets and liabilities to determine our net worth. As we went over the list, I cringed at the limited assets I owned at 45 years old. (But as was stated by our instructor, it's never too late to start).

Tonight as I type this post, I face having my cell phone disconnected, my water turned off, and the car reposessed due to non-payment. It's like the walls are caving in. I must keep my eyes upward and refuse to focus on the trees, but bask in the Son that that has risen above, and that will cast His light on all darkness.

I love you God, and I put ALL my hope in you.

A Matter of Conversation

Last weekend, I had several miraculous moments regarding my finances.

It started on Friday night at a home bible study. The speaker diverted from his intended message and delivered a message of faith to continue in the midst of struggles. If you've been following this blog, you would know that's a message I needed.


Then, on Saturday, I was concerned for providing enough food for all five of us for the entire weekend. (Feeding 3 growing girls is expensive! Our food stamps aren't sufficient to last the month, so we usually end up short by the last week. I want to serve healthy foods, but they are so expensive and, as much as I'd like to, shopping completely at Whole Foods is out of the question.) Anyway, my cousin came by and delivered a stove (she just had her kitchen redone and she gave us her old one to replace our nonworking oven). Afterwards, she invited all three girls to spend the weekend with her, and she would take care of meals the whole time! God is such a provider!!!!


Later that night, I went to a pamper party at my best friend's (I didn't have money for any services, but I just wanted to spend time with her). She said she would pay for gas if I came since she lives across town. Once I got there, she had so much food that feeding Craig and myself for the rest of the weekend was no longer a problem. She also paid for me to have a reflexology massage (which is like a full-body relaxation technique massaging just the feet).

One other woman and I arrived at the massage area together; she also decided on the foot massage. As we waited for our services, the conversation varied from health to finances to caregiving, and beyond. After we were done, we all exchanged information. In the end, I had a lead on a job from one of the women and was able to share about the financial class at church starting this week! Of course the masseuse gave all kinds of health tips, including a possibility for a naturaopathic doctor for Craig that has experience with stroke survivors.

I consider these Divine Appointments, and assurances that God has heard my prayers through conversations with Him and His people.

Humiliation: An Element of Faith

This week has definitely been a test in faith and patience. I woke up anxious almost every morning wondering how/when God was going to work things out. Ever time I felt anxious, I confessed it to God, and my accountability partner, and turned it over to God in prayer. This week I have a new respect for the term 'surrender'.

One of the lessons I am learning is to contact the bill collectors and let them know what's going on. By making contact and trusting God for the outcome, I was able to work out new arrangements. Making these contacts is very humbling. So far the reps have been kind, and even understanding, but having to admit that I don't even know when I will be able to pay my debts is difficult.

I am looking for ways to get back to work to generate more income, but I haven't found anything yet.

It's such a juggling act "robbing Peter to pay Paul", and I'm ready to break free from this. I can't wait for the financial class to start next Wednesday.

Not to My Own Understanding

Today is Resurrection Sunday. All day I have heard messages that if Jesus can be resurrected from the dead, then He can surely resurrect my financial situation. I have to trust Him although I can't see any way how it can happen.

By April 30th, I expect to have the car note and the cell phone bill come due. Since I took deferrments on both last month when the payments were too high, I need a little more than $1300 to pay both. If not paid, I expect some type of shut-off or reposession. I don't know what to do.

When I encountered similar situations like this, my own understanding would lead me to call someone to ask for help or to borrow the money if I thought I could pay it back. I don't want to do that this time, because I feel like that would be blocking the miraculous way God plans to answer my prayers. Plus, I'm SOOOO tired of asking for support. I'm ready to see something supernatural. I'm trusting God to do something BIG!

I can't wait to post what happens...

A Step Forward

Last night after blogging about waiting for God to act in my situation, I rcvd an email from a Christian finance blog I follow called One Money Design (http://www.onemoneydesign.com/). It was an overview of blogposts for the week. The last post listed was titled, "How to Avoid Ovedrawing Your Checking Account". It was a little late for the "avoiding" part, since my account was severely overdrawn (and had just rcvd another fee since I had not made a deposit) in the amount of $306!!!!!


Anyway, in my new mindset to not dwell on the problem but focus on Christ, I decided to read through the article to see what I could do differently next time. The writer suggested many ideas of which I was already aware, like:

Deposit money asap

Call customer service to have fees removed

Be nice and take responsibility

Don't give up. Be persistent and ask for additional help until you get what you need.

Well the first idea wasn't an option since there was no money to deposit that would cover the shortfall. So I took #2, and contacted customer service via online chat since it was Saturday. (Every cell in my body told me this wasn't going to make any difference because it was my fault the account overdrew in the first place.)

The rep I spoke with was nice and helpful but could only refund $35.00. I was grateful, but not satisfied, so I decided to try and speak with someone else. I asked for a number to call for more help and the explained the entire situation to the next rep including Craig's illness. I was shocked and overjoyed when she said she would make an exception to their "one fee refunded per cycle" rule, and refund ALL the fees which totalled $175.00!!!!!!

Thank You God for Your favor and faithfulness, and for giving me the courage to do what, in my mind, didn't make sense!

Waiting

Waiting for the Sun by Mitchell Miller

Waiting is the hardest part.

You know it's temporary. You know God can and will fix it.

You just don't know how...and you don't know when.

And you may not know... until the sudden change comes.

So you wait patiently, reshifting your focus on Christ whenever the anxiousness tries to creep up.

I must confess, I have not been a good steward of God's resources. I have not put enough emphasis on handling the 90%. I've sacrificed too much to the bank in fees because I failed to keep track of what was available.

Lord, I want to handle Your money faithfully. I desire to get Your input on how to distribute it. Right now, there are close to $2000 in bills coming up that I have no idea how to pay. Show me Lord the path to take. Wrap Your arms around me as I wait for You to reveal Your work. I am totally dependent on You to free me from this financial pit I have allowed myself to fall into. Whatever You tell me to do, I will do, even when it doesn't make sense. I expect to come out of this victoriously! Help me to focus on that victory despite the distractions and obstacles that may come. Father, I praise You now for what You're going to do! I can't wait to share my testimony about how You brought me out, and rescued me from the pit. Amen.

What I Learned Today

Seeing my income and expenses on paper, in detail, was a little painful. I did learn a great deal about where I am and what I need to do to change (my part).

The biggest eye-opener was seeing that based on my income and the expenses I have right now, my household is carrying a $1071 deficit every month! No wonder I'm stressing!

What this tells me immediately is that I need to increase my income and look into cutting expenses.

By doing this execise, I was able to determine how much I would need to earn when I go back to work. I need a job that pays at least $516/week net, which is about $27,000 for me to start. Knowing this, I was able to find two entry-level jobs on Craigslist that I believe fit my skills. I applied to both tonight (one is part-time, but can lead to full-time). They are both close to home, which is important until I feel better about leaving Craig alone.

It's freeing already just knowing where I stand. Thank You God for giving the ability to get wealth using the skills You gave me. Thank You for renewing my hope. I will continue to lean on You for my prosperity. I love You, Lord. Amen

Estimated Budget

Monthly Income..........................................................$2413

SSDI..............................$1137

Unemployment...........$780 (through June 9, 2011)

Child Support..............$496

Food Stamps...............$213

Less

1. Tithe.............$242

NET SPENDABLE INCOME.......................................$2384

Monthly Living Expenses

Housing.........................................$1616.31

Rent...........................$1200

Electricity/gas..........$75

Water.........................$50

Sewer/sanitation......$26

Cell phones................$194

Cable..........................$38.79

Internet.....................$32.52

Food...............................................$303

Groceries......................$213

Takeout........................$50

Lunch (Dom)...............$40

Transportation.................................$767.73

Payments..............$519.53

Gas.........................$80

Insurance..............$99

License/Taxes......$9

Maintenance.........$60

Insurance..........................................$105

Life.......................$105

Debts.................................................$75+

School loan...............$25

Drexel debt..............$25

Other debt...............$25

Entertainment/Recreation...............$35.75

Netflix................................$10.75

Pets....................................$20

Dues for Creative arts.....$5

School Activities...............$15

Clothing................................................$75

Savings.................................................$277.50

Medical Expenses...............................$20

Miscellaneous.......................................$180

Toiletries/cosmetics..............$60

Beauty....................................$80

Laundry.................................$20

Subscriptions.........................$20

Total Living Expenses.................................................................$3455.29

Income vs. Living Expenses

Net Spendable Income.................................................$2384

Less Total Living Expenses.........................................$3455.29

Deficit.............................................................................-$1071.29

Now I know!

It Starts with the Truth

I am FED UP with my finances!

I am a Child of the King, but I live like a pauper's kid.
If anybody looked at my checking account, they would think I didn't know anything about managing money...but I do!

It's time to stop surviving, and start living in financial freedom!

It starts with the TRUTH!

1. Our credit is a mess! I ordered the free annual reports today from all 3 reporting bureaus. I had to order by phone due to some security breach, so I should have them in about 15 days. I'm expecting them to be pretty low, but there is nowhere to go but UP!


2. Our household annual income went from $90,000 to $26,000 for a family of 5 in 2 years due to job loss and disability caused by a stroke my 48 year old husband suffered almost a year and a half ago. I left my job to care for him full-time, but know I need to return the workplace asap.


3. Our rent and car note payments are based on what we made 4 years ago. I need to find a way to lower these, and other, expenses.


4. We have 3 daughters who are all college-bound in the next 3 to 8 years and there is no savings to help with the costs.


5. Unexpected expenses, especially forthe girls, set me back regularly. I get child-support, but it's not enough to cover their expenses. Extra help from their biological dad is inconsistent.


6. I have to go back to work, but I'm nervous about leaving Craig by himself. He doesn't qualify for a paid home health aide, he's "doing too well by himself".


7. I've recently recommitted to tithing, and have found success using Paypal to tithe as soon as I get income.

With God as my help, and using the resources He provides (FACC sermons and workshops, "Lee Jenkins on Money", Crown Financial Ministries, etc.), I will find deliverance from this financial pit.