The Power of Money

In the last two days, I was reminded of the power I give money in my life.

Yesterday, I found myself waiting for money to buy gas to get to an event. The money was late arriving, and I was overcome with emotion -- angry, anxious, disappointed, unappreciated, impatient, etc. The money arrived, and I got to my destination in time, but I hated the emotional rollercoaster that I allowed myself to go through.

Then, today, I received a portion of some money I was owed. I was so relieved to get it. I immediately took my daughter out to buy some much needed shoes and clothes (she's 10 and we haven't been financially able to shop for anything extra in months). We found many great deals and spent less than $40 on 2 pair of sandals, 2 pair of shorts, and 3 designer tees (gently used).

However, tonight I found myself in a familiar spot.

Once again, I went from having no money to having enough to spending it much more quickly than I ought. This is familiar pattern with me.

I wouldn't say I "throw money away", but I don't manage what I have well. Some things I need, but that could wait, I purchase before I have to, leaving me in the hole. For instance, today I bought additional fabric I needed to finish sewing my 14 yr old's graduation dress that has to be done by the 16th. It wasn't much money, but when you add it to hair products for the family, materials for a high school project due Tuesday, dinner for the girls, and gas, it took up all I had. I could have picked it up during the week after more income had come in. As I review my spending for the day, I could have delayed a few of the purchases and wouldn't find myself lacking again.

This is a frustrating place to continuously revisit.

Last week in our Financial GPS class, we began exploring the emotional impact money has, and has had, in our lives. One goal of these sessions is to help us better understand why we handle money the way we do. We were given several reflective homework assignments to get us started in this process. I will definitely start these tomorrow because I am tired of letting money control me instead of the other way around.

Stand Still and Know

It's been a minute. I was sick last week and never got around to blogging, but that's not because it wasn't eventful.

I completed the Personal Net Worth worksheet. It was difficult seeing how few assets I owned at this point in my life. The good thing is my debt wasn't too much either. I can't let my past mistakes hold me back. When I get back to work, I want to start on-track with controlled spending, savings and investing to change my financial future. That's why the Financial GPS classes are so important.

The key lesson: It all belongs to God anyway; I am only the steward. Time to start being a wise one.

I was pretty low on Friday because I couldn't meet a basic need for my daughter, and they were all beginning to keep expenses from me because they didn't want to stress me since I was "broke". Being a parent who couldn't provide made me feel broken.

On the weekend we were blessed with financial gifts that met our needs and left a surplus. Although I like being the one to pay their expenses, I need to understand that, as sole owner, God has the right decide how to provide for our needs.

I thank You, God for the humility You are teaching me in this process.

Finances Transformed through Giving

There is something transformative about giving out of your lack. It's one thing to give when you think you can spare it; it's completely another when you know you can't.

It's also a blessing to give of yourself when you think you have nothing to give. This weekend, I experienced this blessing firsthand.

I became aware of someone who was in need and offered to help. Even though I was financially unable to give, I was able to contact those who could. It was so rewarding to find out that her needs were met.

...and because God always gives abundantly, I rcvd a gift of almost $200 anonomously.

Hitting A Nerve

When it comes to money, we all have that spot that causes us to become very passionate and defensive if someone brings it up. For some people it's their hair/weave/wigs; for others, their store-bought gourmet coffee; and yet others, their pets, shoes/clothing, technology, or ability to dine out.

My money nerve is financial situations that deal with my girls. Whenever someone even suggests making cuts when it comes to something that affects the girls I get upset. My voice raises, my chest tightens, and I immediately begin to justify my decisions no matter what. Suggestions are batted down as fast as they're made, and each proposal is rejected. I get offended at the thought of change, and attempt to change the subject.

I have had some pretty heated conversations over this subject, and yesterday was no exception. I could not believe I was being asked to consider the idea of closing the girls' cell phones accounts to save money. "Why should they have to pay the consequences for something that was not their fault?"

Other arguments may start with "I don't care what has to go, there is no way I'm giving up __________!" or "I absolutely need to have (can't live without) _________!"

These reactions are rooted in fear and mistrust. I am unable to see my life without ___________ because, in all honesty, I am afraid to imagine my life without ____________. Having __________ in my life provides security, comfort, status, identity, or some other attribute that I should seek in God.

As I continue on this journey towards financial transformation, Lord help me to recognize the financial nerves that I have. Let me get quiet, and become open to possibilities for change that will bring me closer to financial freedom. You have started me on this journey, may I completely trust You to bring me to the end, in victory. Amen.

Isn't It Amazing

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to find my cell phone service suspended due to non-payment. I was angry and upset, because I felt like I needed my phone on! After, a few moments of initial panic, I felt convicted. My phone was off, because I had not followed my budget. God had provided the resources, and I had mismanaged them. No excuses, I had neglected my priorities, and this was the consequence.

Once I confessed my disobedience, I confessed to my daughters that I had let the temporary lack we have been experiencing affect my attitude. I was acting irritable and distant, in spite of all God had done to bless during this time. I apologized and expressed that I wanted to be a better example for them of a believer who trusts God.

As I prayed, I felt a breaking, like chains coming off. A few minutes ago, all I could focus on was losing a cell phone. I treated it like a lifeline! God is my ONLY lifeline!!!! Here I was, again, acting like it was the end of the world, and God was just trying to show me that nothing in my life is a requirement, but Him.

Once I accepted His training, I just laughed at my foolishness. How could I ever doubt His amazing care for me. No matter how hard the lesson, He tailors it to the change needed in my character at that very moment.

Thank You God for Your AMAZING timing and training! I want to be obedient the next time You entrust me with Your wealth. Continue to teach me how to manage Your resources. I am listening.

Dark Before the Dawn

Hope deferred makes the heart sick;

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Tonight was the first night of our Financial GPS class. For the next six weeks, we will be meeting to learn how to practically master the resources God has given us. I am so excited to be a part of this group, and to have a chance to "resurrect out of" this dark place.

My outlook was challenged as I must begin to see myself as a student of wealth management, not merely economic survival.

We were warned of the attacks that would come as a result of our obedience to learn to be good stewards. Mine hit as soon as I got home.

Our first assignment is to make detailed lists of out assets and liabilities to determine our net worth. As we went over the list, I cringed at the limited assets I owned at 45 years old. (But as was stated by our instructor, it's never too late to start).

Tonight as I type this post, I face having my cell phone disconnected, my water turned off, and the car reposessed due to non-payment. It's like the walls are caving in. I must keep my eyes upward and refuse to focus on the trees, but bask in the Son that that has risen above, and that will cast His light on all darkness.

I love you God, and I put ALL my hope in you.

A Matter of Conversation

Last weekend, I had several miraculous moments regarding my finances.

It started on Friday night at a home bible study. The speaker diverted from his intended message and delivered a message of faith to continue in the midst of struggles. If you've been following this blog, you would know that's a message I needed.


Then, on Saturday, I was concerned for providing enough food for all five of us for the entire weekend. (Feeding 3 growing girls is expensive! Our food stamps aren't sufficient to last the month, so we usually end up short by the last week. I want to serve healthy foods, but they are so expensive and, as much as I'd like to, shopping completely at Whole Foods is out of the question.) Anyway, my cousin came by and delivered a stove (she just had her kitchen redone and she gave us her old one to replace our nonworking oven). Afterwards, she invited all three girls to spend the weekend with her, and she would take care of meals the whole time! God is such a provider!!!!


Later that night, I went to a pamper party at my best friend's (I didn't have money for any services, but I just wanted to spend time with her). She said she would pay for gas if I came since she lives across town. Once I got there, she had so much food that feeding Craig and myself for the rest of the weekend was no longer a problem. She also paid for me to have a reflexology massage (which is like a full-body relaxation technique massaging just the feet).

One other woman and I arrived at the massage area together; she also decided on the foot massage. As we waited for our services, the conversation varied from health to finances to caregiving, and beyond. After we were done, we all exchanged information. In the end, I had a lead on a job from one of the women and was able to share about the financial class at church starting this week! Of course the masseuse gave all kinds of health tips, including a possibility for a naturaopathic doctor for Craig that has experience with stroke survivors.

I consider these Divine Appointments, and assurances that God has heard my prayers through conversations with Him and His people.